I know everyone is probably dying to read about our move to California. I'll get to that. Right now I need a place to write about what I'm thinking because I'm having a hard time.
I was excited to move to California. However, I never really got to experience that emotion because I had so much planning to be done for the move. Once we got here, it sunk in...this is home. How awesome is this! Trevor started work and is absolutely loving the job and I'm happy for him. Glad he's doing what he's been working so hard to get to. The company sounds awesome. As he says, back in Alabama the work environment was "you should be glad to have a job" (which I most definitely experienced too). Here, the environment is "what can we do to make sure you LOVE working at your job?" Fantastic.
With this, we're having a hard time falling into any routine and I believe the lack there of is causing some heartache along the way. Well it most definitely is for me. Living in an apartment with 2 dogs is difficult. I round up the dogs, plop Lucius in a stroller and head out for a beautiful walk behind our apartments. I don't resent this one bit, but it does eat up a lot of the day. Grocery shopping, geez. Ever try to get a toddler to walk with you while you juggle 40+lbs of groceries because you're trying to not need to come back for another trip? It requires a lot of patience. I tried to do laundry on Monday with him, in our on site facility. Never again. I guess I'll have to resort to doing laundry at 9 o'clock at night so I don't have to take him with me. Then there's the bit about Lucius's schedule. Currently, he is king sleeper and is sleeping until 10-12 every morning. This is nice for the fact that he's awake when Trev gets home at 7 o'clock. If the weather is nice we all pack up and go for a long walk around the pond out back. Then we get in and I try to make dinner in 30 minutes (which isn't working). Lucius hates me cooking in the kitchen. This is when he has his meltdowns, so Trev's patience for being happy to see his son quickly dissipates. So do I start feeding him earlier before Trev gets home to avoid the meltdown? The negative to that is trev eats a reheated meal.
We still aren't fully unpacked. No pictures have been hung and we still have a cabinet to build so we have somewhere to put the rest of the items still in boxes. I can probably build the cabinet but hanging it is a two person job. And currently, I feel my constant need for help is wearing on my husband. But on the other hand, I have NO one to ask for help other than him. I sorta feel like a single parent till the weekend. This is when I lost it the other day. I feel inadequate for this new role. I know the disorganization is wearing on me. That's part of who I am. And I know all this emotional turmoil is temporary. It's only week 3. But I'm thinking of getting help to get over the hump, and that scares me. I feel I need it since I'm crying all the time and I'm not sleeping well. And most importantly I want my relationship with my husband to return to the good and I'm unable to come up with a solution on my own.
The Silvernail Bump - version #2
Kicking cancer's butt and still having a fun fulfilling life.
It's going to take time, friend. You are going through a cross country move. This is not a small task, it's a HUGE thing. Take it easy on yourself and just get done the bare minimum to get through your life. Go grocery shopping on the weekends, laundry weekends, BUY a friggen cabinet for now, you are now in survival mode, just do what you have to do survive, the rest will get done when it gets done. Feed Lucius a small snack while making dinner -to survive. Join a mom's group, this will help, start getting out during the day. I still have friends out there, want me to call in the cavalry? :)
ReplyDeletesurvival mode, I suppose I am. The errand part I want to do during the week so we have the weekend to have fun, but it is wearing on me trying to achieve that goal. As for the meltdown when in the kitchen. It isn't that he's hungry. Lucius just hates me spending time in the kitchen. It's not that he's hungry.
ReplyDeleteI also wanted to add that I LOVE my time with my son every day. I can't imagine it any other way. I just want to make life better for everyone...but isn't that a common mom problem :)